We don't have many pictures of Riya as such and most of the ones we have, have tubes around her. We have only one video of hers in which she is quite active and that is the only tangible memory of hers with us... nothing else. There is so much to write about her and about our feelings... may be I will write them one day...

Letter I wrote to Riya when she was a month old -

I wrote this letter to my daughter Riya when she was a month old... Posting it here now...

September 7th, 2014

Darling Daughter Riya,

Today you are one month old and in NICU at Prashanth Hospital. You had a surgery yesterday to fix your small intestine. And hopefully you will be recovering well in the next week. The next week is the most crucial part of all your NICU days.

A lot of things happened in the last one month. We, your dad and mom, visited you everyday. We loved looking at you even though you slept most of the time. We waited extra time when you were a little active like when you opened your eyes or made faces. We got to see you smile couple of times. It was so cute to see you doing small small things. I got to hold you couple of times and also touch you. You are so small that I am actually scared of handling you. 

Everyone at home is also excited to have you home soon. They have been praying hard for your health. You are lucky to have such a loving family. 

Sometimes I feel very helpless. I feel I can't do anything and can't even be close to you. I feel guilty. I feel restless. There have been ups and downs in last month. Some days we get some good news from the doctors and some days some bad news. The days when there is bad news, I get so restless and cry that the whole house becomes sad. I can't help it. 

Today, I am just praying that the next one week needs to be the best of your life. You need to recover from the surgery and start pooing. :-). After that you can start drinking some tasty milk and put on weight. You will then be home soon. Waiting for you to be home...

Love you lots,

Mumma.

Dear Riya

Today was the day you were supposed to take birth. But you decided to come early, two months early. Now that I think about why you came early, it comes to my mind that - may be because you wanted us to spend at least some time with you, give us some joys and make us happy.

You were a sweet little baby. The tiny moments that we got to see you, hold you were so precious that we would talk about it to everyone at home. Everyday, I would wait for the clock to hit 9 am and 5 pm, because that was the time I could get to see you and may be touch you. I would be so happy to see you. And on my way back home, I would become miserable. I missed you and wanted to take you home. We saw you smile, cry, yawn, move your limbs. When you were asleep, we wished that you were awake and see more of your activity. We also celebrated your 1 month birthday by giving sweets to the nurses who took care of you in the hospital.

Doctors said that you were fighter after your second surgery. And, yeah you were a fighter. You fought all through the 43 days. I sometime feel that you fought to let me recover from the c-section. It would have been so difficult for me to recover from the surgery had you gone earlier. We were terrified when the doctor at your first hospital told us to shift you to another hospital for a better equipment. But the second hospital was better in a way that they would let me see you any time of the day. I took full advantage of it and saw you many times in a day.

We were devastated the day when doctors told us to be prepared and that things could go either way. And at 10.30 pm that day, the doctor called us to tell that you just had another hour or two to live. We could not believe that this was happening. The doctors gave us some time to spend with you. Your eyes were still tiny bit open and looking at us. We sang you couple of lullabies, trying to put you to sleep. We kissed you for the first and last time and left the room.

It was hard, very hard on us to see you go... and with you went our dreams. We miss you dearly.

Lots of love.